The Starters Guide to Slavery

No doubt you’ve seen or heard lots of different phrases being thrown around with regards to the world of slavery – or domination and submission. It goes by many names – so I’ve included some of the most common things you may have seen and wonder what they mean:

BDSM – This is broken down into several sub-categories:

• BD – Bondage and Discipline
• DS – Domination and Submission
• SM – Sadism and Masochism

Overall, BDSM is the broadest term for people whose kinks include power games and pain. But it does of course, get more complicated. Bondage is the term used for tying someone up for sexual pleasure (both parties should get pleasure from this). This again takes many forms – perhaps the most common being handcuffs or scarves etc. But dependent on how seriously a couple take their bondage, there are many different restraints available, from leather cuffs and bondage tape to metal chains and so on. You only have to look around the site to see the huge variety of gear available.

Discipline also ranges from mild to extreme. Some couples might throw in the odd bottom slap or spanking during sex play. But others take this much more seriously. It could just be that one partner loves the pleasure/pain derived from being spanked and the other likes to give it to them. Others couple this with role play – for example they could be head teacher and pupil; the pupil has been naughty and needs punishing, you get the idea. Tools used for discipline include the humble hand, spanking paddles, whips, belts; the list is endless. Again, cast around on Sexshop365 and there’s plenty to choose from!  

Domination and Submission is the practice where one partner is “in charge” and the other does their bidding. Dominant people don’t necessarily show these traits in their everyday lives – they could be the mildest most laid back people you know. But in the bedroom, what really gets them going is calling the shots.  These people are often partial to leather and like to assert their authority by having their slave wear handcuffs, or a collar; something that is a sign of the slave’s submission to them. Some Doms save all this play for bedtime – whereas for others it’s a complete lifestyle – they visit clubs purely to have slaves pander to their every need. They often enjoy giving pain to their slave, but only if they know it’s what they want. The idea of these roles is it’s what both partners want – nobody is actually forced into anything, not even the slave.

Submissives get off on being told what to do. For some, it is a case of abandonment – they simply sign their free will over to their partner and let them call the shots. It can be an escape from every day lives – some Subs may well have very high powered jobs and have stresses and strains, and have to make decisions all day. This is why, in the bedroom, they’re happy to do what they’re told – they surrender all responsibility and get sexual pleasure from doing their Doms bidding. They generally enjoy wearing some kind of symbol of their acquiescence – a collar, or something more subtle. Subs often enjoy being spanked as part of their sex play – perhaps they’ve misbehaved and their Master or Mistress is going to punish them for what they’ve done wrong.  Of course, not all Submissives are the same, but the two generally go hand in hand. Again, for some this is a complete lifestyle, they go to specialised clubs and behave almost like animals, crawling on the floor and acting as footstools, or even licking and worshipping people’s feet.

Sadism is the act of inflicting pain on someone else for your sexual gratification. Sadists are not necessarily Doms – but the two often go hand in hand. Masochism is where you’re the one who enjoys receiving the pain. The main difference between Sadism and Masochism, and Domination and Submission is the former is more about the act of giving and receiving pain itself; whereas Doms and Subs are more to do with the relationship in which these acts are carried out, and the power dynamic in these relationships.

As I said there are many different varieties of severity of all of the above, right from a couple who may want to experiment with a bit of spanking, right through to those who equip their homes with whips and chain hanging from walls. It is very important to remember, though, that all these people are doing it on a consensual basis. Although slaves are told what to do, they did actually get themselves into the slave dynamic to begin with, so at some point must have told their partner that to be dominated is what they want. There are always safe words, so for example if someone is being whipped, they will have a word or an action that means ‘stop – I’ve had enough.’ If you decide to try any of these things out, it’s very important you implement something similar. Use a random word though, something that has nothing to do with the situation so it can’t be mistaken. It must be agreed between you that this word or action means STOP, and you must respect each other’s wishes.