Any serious discussion about female sexuality could fill volume upon volume of text which could quite easily then fill any metropolitan library in any city across the world. The basic answer to any question about female sexuality is to keep asking questions; it’s that complicated and that simple. Men refer to this as feminine mystique, that catch all phrase designed to explain the unexplainable and to categorize things better left unsaid, or at least unasked in polite company. What’s so ironic about this is that these same attitudes have invaded the relationships of couples worldwide; men don’t understand it, and women don’t know how to explain it either, but what’s for certain is that feminine mystique is real, and dealing with it has become the new crusades of the 21st century.
Basic questions like, “Do you masturbate” often enter into otherwise healthy stable relationships, often generating quizzical looks from the women who’ve just been asked such a thing by their curious male partners and the immediate follow up is usually, “Because if you do… I don’t know about it.”
The answer is yes, we do masturbate, and no, you don’t know about it.
This speaks a bit to some very pervasive attitudes about female sexuality. Even though we like to think we’ve evolved past monkeys swinging in the trees, when it comes sex, we’re still more or less operating on the cave-dweller level. How we’re hardwired for sex hasn’t changed much over the course of time. Men still compete for women, and women still know this and use it to our advantage in order to find the best possible mate.
So why are we still so confused about what makes women tick and what turns us on? Perhaps it’s because even though the rest of the world moved on, a woman who embraces her own sexuality is still viewed by some as something of a harlot and discussing such things out in the open can still be a taboo subject. Here’s a little newsflash for the guys; we love sex. We love sex so much that if we could have the kind of sex we like, we’d never leave the bedroom. And herein lies the problem, what is “the kind of sex we like” supposed to mean?
It’s likely more nature than environment which conditions men to view sex in a very basic porn-centric sort of way, and while we like that sort of sex sometimes, we’re not much interested in a steady diet of wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am. We want more. We want passion. We want tenderness. We want heat. We want you to be interested, and we don’t want you to ask us if we masturbate because we’re not even completely comfortable with that subject ourselves! The truth is… feminine mystique is as much a mystery to us as it is to men.
From a very early age, around about the time that we grow breasts, we’re conditioned and taught to cross our legs, act like a lady, and to accept that basically every guy we meet for the rest of our lives wants to get up our skirts; which makes it a little tough to discover how that precious flower between our legs really works, and if we’re not sure, how are we supposed to tell you?
What’s truly encouraging is that we now have the ability to explore these things for ourselves. Sex toys have come a long way since the first dildos and vibrators were invented. We’ve got all sorts of choices and ways to find pleasure and ways to give ourselves pleasure, and that’s a truly remarkable event! Being in charge of our own sexual needs and orgasms makes us better lovers in the long run, even though it’s very easy to become addicted to a Rabbit, but these things should be encouraged and more women should give themselves permission to explore their own bodies and discover what they like. Then, we can tell you about it and we’ll both be happier.
This is the real problem, giving ourselves permission to explore. That’s the biggest hurdle, trying to undo a lifetime of conditioning and reflexive responses of closing our legs when what we really need to be doing is opening them. Every woman possesses every possible sexual desire that you can imagine. The trick is in finding the key to unlock those desires and setting them free. A kind and patient lover can be a guide, but be careful what you ask for, a woman in charge of her own sexuality can break your heart, but she can also enrich your life in ways that you’ve only imagined.
So the next time you ask her about her masturbation habits? Why don’t you have a little buzzing surprise for her instead? I guarantee you’ll be happy with the results, and so will she!
The whole idea of pleasure, of getting pleasure from sex, is still a little new to women, despite all of the progress we’ve made with feminism and feminist thought. Your average woman isn’t directly connected with those ideas on these very basic levels. Like I said, we’re not much past the cave-dweller stage when it comes to sexual dynamics between men and women. While I don’t seek to paint women or men with a broad brush, because clearly there are many women who are quite assertive and comfortable with sex and sexuality, overall these are still issues which plague us, and ask any woman who is now comfortable with her sexuality how she got there, she’ll likely tell you that it wasn’t easy and there were a lot of growing pains involved. Sex toys can help both couples and independent minded women discover their sexual nature and that can only be a good thing.
Sex is supposed to be fun. Pleasure feels good. Giving ourselves permission to explore those pleasures, to translate those intangible emotional feelings which dwell inside each of us into the physical realm is our greatest gift as human beings. So give yourself permission to be a human being and explore yourself!
Add
us to your google toolbar