Men – What To Do If Your Partner Loses Her Libido

First of all, don’t panic! From experience I know that most men would immediately think “Oh God, she’s gone off me/I’m crap in bed/she’s cheating on me” and so on. Don’t jump to any conclusions.

Take a minute to think about the potential (sensible) reasons she may have gone off sex. Is it something that’s been going on a while? Or has it just been a couple of days, or a week? If it’s been a short period of time, the best thing to do is just sit it out. As I’m sure you already know, women’s hormones are often all over the place, making us rampant one minute, and wanting to be celibate the next. A woman’s menstrual cycle has a lot to do with her sex drive, so take this into consideration. If you cast your mind back and realise it’s every four weeks where she feels like this, then you have your answer. Leave her alone and wait until she’s feeling better. Pestering her anyway is just likely to get your head bitten off! And take advantage of the times when she is horny!

If not, carry on reading. If it’s been going on a while, there are still lots of potential reasons, most of which have nothing at all to do with you. Is your partner under any kind of pressure or stress? Does she have a stressful job, a nightmare boss (don’t we all!)? Are you having financial or family problems? Think of any possible reasons she could be stressed, remembering of course that things that may not be a problem to you may be to your partner. However small and insignificant you may consider something to be, she may not feel the same. Stress can have many side effects. Often the first thing to go is your sex drive. It can also cause bad skin, constant tiredness and lethargy, and more. If this has hit the nail on the head and it’s something you can help with, then try and intervene, gently. Or just try and get her to talk. The old cliché “a problem shared is a problem halved” comes into effect here. Even if it’s work related and you can’t help, she’ll likely be grateful that you’re willing to listen and offer your help. Hey, you’ll get brownie points for trying, so you might get laid anyway!

If you think your partner’s stress might be more serious, or even bordering on depression, then you should urge her to see a doctor. As I briefly mentioned before, stress can have a terrible effect on someone’s health, and bottling things up certainly won’t help. Doctors often sign people off work for a while if they are considered to be stressed. If this happens, then be there for her. Don’t make fun of her, whatever you do. I know ‘stress’ is often something that’s made light of and not seen as a ‘proper’ illness, but she will need your support one hundred percent. It will benefit you in the long run. And again, try not to bring up the subject of sex. If she comes on to you, then fine, great! But if you come on to her, she may well think you don’t care about her problems, and that you’re just interested in one thing. Deep down she probably knows that’s not true, but if she’s worrying about something, the last thing she needs is to be pestered for sex when she’s not in the mood. After all, you don’t want her to do it just to keep you quiet and not really enjoy it do you? Sex ‘just for the sake of it’ can be a really awful experience for both partners and may cause resentment, so don’t even go there. Lots of cuddles usually do the trick in this case. And if you have to ‘self-service’ in private, fair enough. You’re only human, after all.

If none of the above explanations make any sense, then you need to do some investigation. Do you think your sex life has gone a little stale? Have you fallen into a rut, running through the same old routine again and again? If so, try and inject a little romance and excitement. There are so many ways of doing this I doubt I’ll be able to list them all. And of course it all depends on what sort of person your partner is.

There are traditional methods, for example a romantic meal, pampering and massage. It may be a little obvious, but for some women, it might just do the trick. A little pampering and relaxation can go a long way. Massage in particular can have a positive effect on libido. Get a book on reflexology, splash out on some lovely massage oils from the site and find those pressure points for sex drive!  

If she’s “not into all that” maybe taking her out. Take her out for a meal, or to the cinema, somewhere you don’t normally go. But don’t jump her bones as soon as you walk back in the door, the last thing you want is for her to think that’s the only reason you took her out! Just tread carefully and treat her with respect.

Also helping around the house (providing of course you live together) would be a big help. Everyone appreciates a little help. Particularly with the rubbish jobs nobody wants to do. Who knows, maybe seeing you doing the ironing will really get her going! She may even feel a little taken for granted if she does the lion’s share around the home. Take some jobs off her hands and she may be much more receptive to intimacy.

Exercise can often have a positive effect. Evidence suggests that exercise boosts your sex drive because it releases your happy hormones. A change of scenery might also do your partner, and you, the world of good. A quick session in the bushes never did anybody any harm – just don’t get caught, especially not by the police! Being done for indecent exposure might just put a dampener on your passions.

This very website has dozens of ideas for boosting your sex life. Check out the games section for products such as ‘101 Nights of Grrreat Sex,’ ‘7 Deadly Sins’ and ‘Canoodling Game.’ Introduce these as a light hearted fun thing, as a game, basically. Don’t make it sound as though you’ve got to play the game, then go to bed and have sex. I know I keep repeating it, but don’t make your partner feel as though you’re pushing her into sex. For many women, being pressured can be a turn off in itself. Some women like to initiate sex sometimes, and particularly in this situation, if you leave her to own devices, I’m sure with time she’ll soon give you a well-deserved nudge in the night!

So, explore the site and look at things that you could introduce without being too obtrusive. Maybe try a book, for example ‘Erotic Confessions.’ You could leave it lying around as though it’s yours and you’ve been reading it. Well, you probably have since you bought it, but you know what I mean! Curiosity will no doubt get the better of your partner and reading those dirty fantasies from other people might just give her libido that boost.

Porn may also have the same effect as above. Although many women dislike porn, there are also some that do! If you’ve used porn in the past, think of what sort of porn turned her on the most. Was it couples, swingers, etc? Then try and match your purchase to what she liked. Perhaps the best way to introduce it without seeming too obvious would be to “accidentally” leave it in the player downstairs where she may come across it.

If it’s not something you’ve experimented with before, then browse this site and see what’s on offer. There is plenty of ‘softcore’ stuff for beginners, and Anna Span is hugely popular among women, for the simple reason that it’s porn ‘by women for women.’ Perhaps a sex ‘guide’ rather than a full on film would be better. Only you can judge. You know her best.

If all else fails, you should just sit your partner down and talk to her. Emphasise (lots and lots) how much you love her and respect her, and ask what the problem is. If it’s not hormones (and I don’t mean that in a derogatory way) or stress, and you’ve tried the tricks above to give new life to a stale sex life, then perhaps there’s a problem in your relationship. Prepare yourself for a possibility of outcomes. Obviously I can’t predict what she’s going to say. It could be any number of things.

Perhaps she’s not been satisfied with your sex life and it’s put her off? Maybe she’s experienced physical pain and it’s had a psychological effect? There are just so many possibilities. But if you are supportive, and listen to her, you should be able to work through any problems. If it’s difficult for her to talk about, suggest she writes you a letter or something. But remember, if she doesn’t tell you about it, then there’s no way you can fix it, and things are just going to get worse.