It’s one thing discussing sex, quite another to dive into the salacious river and satisfy all your sexual curios with a potential lover. It’s simple to provide visual sexual tips, or ‘insert part a, into part b,’ but being comfortable enacting most sexual tips requires self-comfort and awareness. Enjoying every part of you, and I mean every part – right down to the perceived flaws – is essential to sexual fulfillment: confidence is king.

Life is notorious for throwing us curve balls from time to time. A sexual hiatus may last anything, from a month to a few years. Any thing can interrupt the sexual flow, and the time between fucking can stretch, or pass through time, until life throws you another doozie – the potential partner, or the urge to be lock your loins with a sexy candidate. Your pulse quickens, and the person may as well be a Lindt chocolate sculpture; all you want to do is kiss, lick, entwine and be engulfed by Eau de Lust.

There’s no telling when the urge or opportunity will strike, and funnily enough, there are many moments where one unexpectedly finds oneself at the gate of possibility, and this gate may be choked with anxiety, doubt, and low self-esteem. Uncertainty may follow recent relationship breakups, career treadmills, or the lengthy hiatus that dumps our arse on a deserted beach, for us to reenter the fold. Reentering the 21^st century sex buffet can be, or feel as, daunting as ascending Mt Everest at the best of times. Our world is more demanding: time often means money, this, and it can gain a slippery consistency in a world that makes demands on our personal time. Here are five angst-free ways to slip into the sexual stream.

Grooming: 

Grooming is an essential ingredient of mammalian life. It’s not limited to fancy clothes, makeup and hairdos. Grooming doesn’t solely represent looks, it also provides comfort: if you’re comfortable with you, the rest tends to follow. When you book your day spa, and look forward to being pampered, it’s not about the beauty treatments and whether they’ll iron out a wrinkle, it’s about relaxation and serenity; it just makes us feel better from within, and if a party is happening on the inside, it tends to seep to the outside. Grooming isn’t about looks, or the being a Victoria’s Secret runway gal.

Taking makeup as a common example. Makeup application may be hinged on providing an end result but it is a soothing, positive process. Each feather light stroke of mascara, or gentle caress of a brush, stimulates the skin, and skin contains millions of receptors that respond to each stroke, unleashing feel-good chemicals. It’s facial self-love.

Smiling elevates mood. It alters the shape of the face, causing a bunch of facial muscles to expand. Each expansion produces chemical reactions; each muscle is fired to contract, and each signal returns to the brain; the feelgood factor is almost instantaneous.

When we glimpse a baby, we melt the moment we see their tiny blossoming smile. A baby doesn’t exit the womb with a smile firmly affixed. If a baby didn’t have reciprocal stimuli (visual, by way of parents and/or siblings), the baby’s smile frequency would diminish. It’s a breeze to break the ice with a smile. It’s easier to initiate a conversation with a smile. A smiling person is more approachable than a dismal sod.

Being outside your daily comfort zone, or doing one thing that takes you away for a part of the day, teaches you about you, and develops a can-do attitude. Aside from having conversational appeal, breaking up your routine can bring you face-to-face with skills you thought you never had, or hungered to develop. You can take up judo, where your body can be used as a powerful instrument. Developing your hand at Poker has the potential of adding more cash for other pleasures. Rock climbing takes you to new heights, but also gives you Xenia Onatopp thighs: a welcome addition to one’s sexual repertoire, which can add intensity to the missionary position. Moreover, each personal adventure brings you closer to you, to fine tune confidence. We are much more than our daily occupations and retail profiles.

There is overt, in your face, fuck-me body language, and there’s the body language of a seducer/seductress, which is smooth yet as potent as an opiate. Body language is more prevalent than everyday speech. When we find ourselves at that club, party or down the pub, we are exposed to a glut of non-verbal cues.

The small hints, or cues, can be choreographed, and each cue can be shaped to form a humungous tidal wave, that can tip the scales to one’s favor. A keen body language expert can spot sexual interest within a room; the other person may be standing on the other side of the room, but one detailed observation or run through, can rate sexual potential. I wouldn’t approach a man who repeatedly diverts his gaze in that, ‘please don’t look at me,’ way. The person may be attached, or out with mates. In short, he may not be interested. All this can unfold in less than a minute. The great thing about body language is that once you develop a basic understanding, it cuts the time in half, freeing you up for other journeys.

During a work trip, I needed some me time and headed to a nearby watering hole. I knew no one, and felt out of place; the moment you enter an unknown establishing, within a different city, you feel lost. Your boundaries have changed, and the comfort zone diminishes. I stood at the bar for many moments, working on an escape route, when I noticed two men to my immediate left. The man nearest to me chatted to his friend, and I ordered a second drink. When I did that, I noticed something; he checked me out twice. Making the return trip is a great sign. When he glanced me up and down the third time, I knew I was in. I didn’t have to orate a fancy speech, or morph into Paris Hilton. The conversation blossomed almost immediately; I ‘accidentally’ trod on his foot, to apologize, and it went from there. He definitely hadn’t seen me before; I verified that, and he was excited. I was new territory to him, and it suited me fine.

There are many published body language guides available, and the two most common body language cues are:

Eye contact

Maintain the mutual gaze for a few seconds, and look elsewhere. Return a few moments after the first visual collision. If the person doesn’t flee, then you pass the first test: eye contact establishes intrigue.

Preening

Male peacocks present their iridescent tails like an ornamental fan. Male crickets create songs by rubbing their legs together, and male lions preen in a shaded speck of a savannah; the roles are reversed in the human realm, where females are more decorative.

Do you stroke or rub your neck as your ease into a new environment? Do this, and direct the soft parts of your flesh toward your target. It’s subtle, but it’s considered a definite mating sign by body language experts. This gesture, like others (hair flipping, swishing, etc), acts as a pre-emptive signal, displaying your erogenous zones without being arrested for public indecency and exposure. Moreover, it’s like a biological semaphore for the libido. It may as well say, “I’m here, and I want to play.”

You may as well decrease cardiac function (according to the British Medical Journal), if you forego orgasm or your orgasmic frequency declines to the bottomless pit of nothingness. The sweet, effervescent explosion in your head and loins is good for your cardiovascular health.

The chemicals, or neurotransmitters released during orgasm whip every other drug into submission. Endorphins are responsible for positive emotions such as happiness, calm, and relaxation, and are released during physical activity. At orgasm, endorphins are released into the spinal fluid, to rocket to the brain.

Being a Do-it-Yourself gal is rewarding, and all out fun. Jimi Hendrix had his Fender Stratocaster; a 21^st Century woman has a sexy funky treasure chest or feminine toolbox and if she doesn’t, then it can be a handy investment. It serves a dual purpose: you can indulge your partner, and develop your own personally monogrammed sexual style.

Streamlined technology has made clunky sex toys a thing of the past. There are many palm-sized objects d’art, which are quieter and equally potent, enabling one to briefly indulge on-the-job, during a rest break in the Ladies. The three o’clock office hump can be obliterated once and for all.

A woman doesn’t need to perform repetitive Kegel ‘hold the urine flow’ exercises, she can use Duo/Geisha Balls and reap dual benefits: pleasure and pelvic toning. Traditional vibrators offer vulval stimulation, clitoral delight and penetrative ecstasy. We can do it in the shower with splash proof toys, or don a clitoral stimulator before heading out to the supermarket.

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Good sex, and sexual fulfillment rely on the most erotic organ: the brain. The brain, or the centre of all thought, is the cornerstone to wellbeing.